Part 2: The Many Trials and the Long Journey

Yesterday this Bird found herself complaining about the complaints department, and was forced to pause for a dry chuckle. Repeating a catalogue of mistakes, misjudgements and misconceptions, I felt is was time to share the joke that is the local police force. Let me make this clear, this Bird has made every attempt not to be anti-police, after all they are only human; it's just that the police make it very hard for me not to be. I would be here all evening, (as I just have with one of the force's finest), if I related to you every detail, so I will regale you, dear Reader, with just a few choice highlights.

So, a message for the boys and girls in blue:

'Restorative Justice' is not appropriate in domestic violence situations. If a person has been persecuted, abused and violated by another, putting the two of them in a room together to 'negotiate', with no trained support, no counseling and no admission of guilt from the perpetrator will result in pain, torment and fear for the victim/survivor, will perpetuate the abuse, and will make the officers involved complicit in that abuse. A harsh conclusion, but true.

Secondly, a Traveller's home is NOT a 'holiday caravan'. This is offensive on so many levels.

Thirdly, if you boys and girls are too fearful to go onto a Traveller site, then perhaps you should try being a bit nicer. We only really bite when provoked.

Last but not least, being passed around a current total of around a dozen officers, spending time and energy repeating stories of events afresh every time, is exhausting and unhelpful. An assigned officer who stays for the duration is essential for avoiding undue distress, and for getting anything real done.

After nine months of telling, demanding and sometimes pleading, nothing has been done to protect this Bird or her family from a horrible, stressful and exhausting situation. For a victim/survivor of abuse and harassment, this dramatically increases the sense of isolation, and exacerbates feelings of helplessness. Repeating stories of abuse and violence brings up distressing emotions and memories causing yet more trauma for abuse survivors.

Boys and girls of the British police service, I'm sorry to say this but you have made a proper dog's arse of helping us out.

A Fairy-tale in Several Parts: Part I

After the impulsive rant of the last post, this Bird has been unusually lost for words. After gently easing open the lid of this particular can of worms, I hurriedly shut it tight again for the fear that this would be enough worms for a serious case of indigestion: however, dear reader, after a lead-in like that this Bird cannot disappoint you.
The hardest thing is knowing where to start: in ancient times, when women were first intimidated by cavemen seeking to assert authority, with the centuries-long persecution of the Roma and other traveling people, or last week when I nearly lost my rag completely with the last in a long line of incompetent coppers.
I don't have the figures, but I know that far too large a proportion of women experience domestic violence in their lives. This violence doesn't just affect the woman herself, it affects her family, her children and sometimes friends and colleagues.
Once that woman has found the strength and resources to get herself out of that situation, in a world where those resources are scarce, she still has not reached the end of the journey in many cases. Especially when the perpetrator of violence is also the father of their child. This man has rights of access, rights of parenting, and the child has a right to a chance with a relationship with their father. This Bird is not denying that there maybe other kinds of partnerships that experience domestic violence, but this situation is the only one where continued contact between the perpetrator and the survivor is deemed, not just necessary, but a legal and moral obligation. In this Birds humble observations, it seems there are very many women who tolerate what others may term abuse, and see it as the price that has to be paid for the benefit of their child, and do this long beyond the point where the relationship with their partner has ended.
Because, for the sake of their children or families many women do not complain about low grade abuse, when the situation does reach a higher level (which inevitably it does as the perpetrator pushes for more control), they finally resort to involving authorities, police and solicitors , as did someone very close to this Bird.  The added blast that rocks this precarious boat is the ambivalence and patronizing attitude with which such a stand is received. Forced to recount a traumatic and emotional story over and over again as she is passed from one bunch of  uncomprehending male beat coppers to more of the same, each re-telling seems to add a layer of patronization  and a further pat on the head from each well-meaning copper ; "..there there...you tell it to us over and over and in the end you'll forget all about it and we won't have to deal with the paperwork". 
Getting more personal now, over the last nine months of navigating the foggy waters of the British police and legal system, the abuse still goes on: harassment involving 38 phone calls in a day, a tirade of vilely abusive emails and texts,  and the destruction of homes and property. The effects this has had and is continuing to have on the family and the child are exhausting, complex and difficult to cope with.
These Birds will not take this, laying down or otherwise. Every time we meet these barriers, we will fight to be heard: for us, and for every woman out there who is dealing with the Squish-head dad phenomena. We will not apologise for wanting the best for our loved ones and our families. More to follow...................................