what is this blog about?

I looked at my profile again today, and realised that I want to change it for the umpteenth time, however the profile I had seemed to have too much information to lose, so I have posted it here:
2 women are killed each week by their partner or ex-partner. Nearly 1 million women experience domestic abuse each year. At least 3/4 million children witness domestic abuse each year. Women experience an average of 35 incidents of abuse before reporting to the police. This blog started as a place to rant about the trials and tribulations, and of course the comic highlights, of a job in an anywhere and nowhere bar, much of which was coloured by the rampant sexism inherent in our culture. As the story went on, life overtook art, and I found myself negotiating one of the hardest situations facing women on a daily basis in our society: how to deal with the effects of domestic abuse on the life of my family, and how to respond and deal with the responses of others. I hope the end of this fairy tale will be a happy one. It isn't for so many women and families. (statistics taken from http://www.cps.gov.uk/news/articles/domestic_violence_-_the_facts_the_issues_the_future/)

treatment ineffective for "female samples"

There's been lots of interesting debate lately on the stigma around mental illness, and the horrible associations the general public have with mental illness and violence...... I have strong views, but they have already been elegantly put by others.
However, reading around the debate I came across one short sentence in an article which really shocked me. In a supposedly clinical level discussion of medication, just one sentence referred oh so briefly to the fact that this whole theory didn't work for "female samples". OK, this is a wikipedia entry, not exactly the guiding light of accurate scientific research, but it reminded me of a terrifying fact. Medical processes and drugs are often not tested on women, (and the elderly, and the mentally ill........), who constitute over half the population... nor  are they tested on children, and many mental health drugs are now given with horrifying frequency to children........
I'm only a humble bird, but how the hell does this constitute good scientific practice?

In Search of Inspiration

Narrating the current saga at Bird Manor, I have often felt lonely in my battle, and negativity may abound, so I would like to share some things that have given me inspiration today:
http://www.guerrillagirls.com/
always creative, positive and inspiring throughout my life
http://ukfeminista.org.uk/
a new vibrant voice
Thankyou to all of you who make and create

A note on Privacy

This Bird has a phenomenal emotional and moral maze to negotiate. The primary directive, as Captain Janeway would so rightly remind me, is to protect those who cannot protect themselves, those too young or vulnerable to protect themselves, who rely on my protection. This Bird has many other obligations: to protect those who may be harmed, emotionally, physically or otherwise. I have an obligation towards those I may unintentionally slander because I do not understand them, and to those I love and cherish, but risk betraying their trust, to those that may be subjected to consequences of the things I write over the coming weeks. This Bird also has other obligations: to every victim of domestic violence and bullying, to every victim of police incompetence, to all who suffer unnecessarily at the hands of an ignorant authority, ............ if I do not speak I WILL HAVE LET YOU DOWN! I will do my utmost to live up to these obligations, and offer my abject apologies should I fail. I ask of you, dear Reader, to forgive me my mistakes and respect the privacy of those involved should I fail to protect them.

part III: The Trial

It's been a long time, hasn't it. After over two years of abuse and harassment, living in constant apprehension, limiting our lives and that of our child because we can't go anywhere we may bump into the gentleman known as Squish-head**, the case is finally going to court: without our prior knowledge or consent. Information received is mainly from a friend of ours who has been called as a witness. Victim support for one partner is non-existent, the other has still not even been acknowledged as a victim despite losing home, job and all self-esteem through the actions of this man. At the moment, I'm sharing my problems with a bottle of port, but soon I hope to be able to elucidate with at least some of my usual wit, and the driest of humour. Chin-chin!
** for those who are not initiated in the wonderful therapy of Squish, check out Kids In The Hall.
a vital tool for anti-capitalists, feminists, and all those who seek to bring to an end the stupidity of those who wield power over others.

Part 2: The Many Trials and the Long Journey

Yesterday this Bird found herself complaining about the complaints department, and was forced to pause for a dry chuckle. Repeating a catalogue of mistakes, misjudgements and misconceptions, I felt is was time to share the joke that is the local police force. Let me make this clear, this Bird has made every attempt not to be anti-police, after all they are only human; it's just that the police make it very hard for me not to be. I would be here all evening, (as I just have with one of the force's finest), if I related to you every detail, so I will regale you, dear Reader, with just a few choice highlights.

So, a message for the boys and girls in blue:

'Restorative Justice' is not appropriate in domestic violence situations. If a person has been persecuted, abused and violated by another, putting the two of them in a room together to 'negotiate', with no trained support, no counseling and no admission of guilt from the perpetrator will result in pain, torment and fear for the victim/survivor, will perpetuate the abuse, and will make the officers involved complicit in that abuse. A harsh conclusion, but true.

Secondly, a Traveller's home is NOT a 'holiday caravan'. This is offensive on so many levels.

Thirdly, if you boys and girls are too fearful to go onto a Traveller site, then perhaps you should try being a bit nicer. We only really bite when provoked.

Last but not least, being passed around a current total of around a dozen officers, spending time and energy repeating stories of events afresh every time, is exhausting and unhelpful. An assigned officer who stays for the duration is essential for avoiding undue distress, and for getting anything real done.

After nine months of telling, demanding and sometimes pleading, nothing has been done to protect this Bird or her family from a horrible, stressful and exhausting situation. For a victim/survivor of abuse and harassment, this dramatically increases the sense of isolation, and exacerbates feelings of helplessness. Repeating stories of abuse and violence brings up distressing emotions and memories causing yet more trauma for abuse survivors.

Boys and girls of the British police service, I'm sorry to say this but you have made a proper dog's arse of helping us out.

A Fairy-tale in Several Parts: Part I

After the impulsive rant of the last post, this Bird has been unusually lost for words. After gently easing open the lid of this particular can of worms, I hurriedly shut it tight again for the fear that this would be enough worms for a serious case of indigestion: however, dear reader, after a lead-in like that this Bird cannot disappoint you.
The hardest thing is knowing where to start: in ancient times, when women were first intimidated by cavemen seeking to assert authority, with the centuries-long persecution of the Roma and other traveling people, or last week when I nearly lost my rag completely with the last in a long line of incompetent coppers.
I don't have the figures, but I know that far too large a proportion of women experience domestic violence in their lives. This violence doesn't just affect the woman herself, it affects her family, her children and sometimes friends and colleagues.
Once that woman has found the strength and resources to get herself out of that situation, in a world where those resources are scarce, she still has not reached the end of the journey in many cases. Especially when the perpetrator of violence is also the father of their child. This man has rights of access, rights of parenting, and the child has a right to a chance with a relationship with their father. This Bird is not denying that there maybe other kinds of partnerships that experience domestic violence, but this situation is the only one where continued contact between the perpetrator and the survivor is deemed, not just necessary, but a legal and moral obligation. In this Birds humble observations, it seems there are very many women who tolerate what others may term abuse, and see it as the price that has to be paid for the benefit of their child, and do this long beyond the point where the relationship with their partner has ended.
Because, for the sake of their children or families many women do not complain about low grade abuse, when the situation does reach a higher level (which inevitably it does as the perpetrator pushes for more control), they finally resort to involving authorities, police and solicitors , as did someone very close to this Bird.  The added blast that rocks this precarious boat is the ambivalence and patronizing attitude with which such a stand is received. Forced to recount a traumatic and emotional story over and over again as she is passed from one bunch of  uncomprehending male beat coppers to more of the same, each re-telling seems to add a layer of patronization  and a further pat on the head from each well-meaning copper ; "..there there...you tell it to us over and over and in the end you'll forget all about it and we won't have to deal with the paperwork". 
Getting more personal now, over the last nine months of navigating the foggy waters of the British police and legal system, the abuse still goes on: harassment involving 38 phone calls in a day, a tirade of vilely abusive emails and texts,  and the destruction of homes and property. The effects this has had and is continuing to have on the family and the child are exhausting, complex and difficult to cope with.
These Birds will not take this, laying down or otherwise. Every time we meet these barriers, we will fight to be heard: for us, and for every woman out there who is dealing with the Squish-head dad phenomena. We will not apologise for wanting the best for our loved ones and our families. More to follow...................................