A Fairy-tale in Several Parts: Part I

After the impulsive rant of the last post, this Bird has been unusually lost for words. After gently easing open the lid of this particular can of worms, I hurriedly shut it tight again for the fear that this would be enough worms for a serious case of indigestion: however, dear reader, after a lead-in like that this Bird cannot disappoint you.
The hardest thing is knowing where to start: in ancient times, when women were first intimidated by cavemen seeking to assert authority, with the centuries-long persecution of the Roma and other traveling people, or last week when I nearly lost my rag completely with the last in a long line of incompetent coppers.
I don't have the figures, but I know that far too large a proportion of women experience domestic violence in their lives. This violence doesn't just affect the woman herself, it affects her family, her children and sometimes friends and colleagues.
Once that woman has found the strength and resources to get herself out of that situation, in a world where those resources are scarce, she still has not reached the end of the journey in many cases. Especially when the perpetrator of violence is also the father of their child. This man has rights of access, rights of parenting, and the child has a right to a chance with a relationship with their father. This Bird is not denying that there maybe other kinds of partnerships that experience domestic violence, but this situation is the only one where continued contact between the perpetrator and the survivor is deemed, not just necessary, but a legal and moral obligation. In this Birds humble observations, it seems there are very many women who tolerate what others may term abuse, and see it as the price that has to be paid for the benefit of their child, and do this long beyond the point where the relationship with their partner has ended.
Because, for the sake of their children or families many women do not complain about low grade abuse, when the situation does reach a higher level (which inevitably it does as the perpetrator pushes for more control), they finally resort to involving authorities, police and solicitors , as did someone very close to this Bird.  The added blast that rocks this precarious boat is the ambivalence and patronizing attitude with which such a stand is received. Forced to recount a traumatic and emotional story over and over again as she is passed from one bunch of  uncomprehending male beat coppers to more of the same, each re-telling seems to add a layer of patronization  and a further pat on the head from each well-meaning copper ; "..there there...you tell it to us over and over and in the end you'll forget all about it and we won't have to deal with the paperwork". 
Getting more personal now, over the last nine months of navigating the foggy waters of the British police and legal system, the abuse still goes on: harassment involving 38 phone calls in a day, a tirade of vilely abusive emails and texts,  and the destruction of homes and property. The effects this has had and is continuing to have on the family and the child are exhausting, complex and difficult to cope with.
These Birds will not take this, laying down or otherwise. Every time we meet these barriers, we will fight to be heard: for us, and for every woman out there who is dealing with the Squish-head dad phenomena. We will not apologise for wanting the best for our loved ones and our families. More to follow...................................

Watch this space .. . .. ... . . .

This Bird has a beehive in her bonnet. I would like to warn you, dear reader, that things are about to go postal. Having ranted here, and raved in fields (much more fun than raving in my living room), I have reached a point where the personal has become yet again the political. After nearly two years of dealing with a situation that involves the trivialisation of domestic violence, the complete misunderstanding of a Traveller life-style, and the patronising complacency and incompetency of Her Majesty's Police service, this Bird has decided that enough is enough. Over the next few weeks, this Bird will name and shame, interrogate, denigrate and declaim all that decorum has rendered subterranean. This Bird knows that now is the time to speak the truth. Watch this space very closely........

Keep Talking

Further recent conversations with friends have reminded me of many conversations over my life: a friend at 16 telling me of being raped by her father; a friend telling me of rape by a lover, too young to fight back or argue; a friend telling me of a night spent in a cell, arrested for assault because she dared to fight back against a man trying to rape her in her own home; a friend that cried while telling me of a year of repeated rape by a partner that left her unable to take another lover for many years. These are just a few of the stories this Bird has listened to.
'The government estimates that as many as 95% of rapes are never reported to the police at all. Of the rapes that were reported from 2007 to 2008, only 6.5% resulted in a conviction, compared with 34% of criminal cases in general.' (taken from http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/mar/13/rape-convictions-low)
Say the word 'rape' in any group of women, and a chaos of stories and emotions result. Not one of the stories this Bird has heard resulted in report, let alone conviction. These women do not tell their stories except to trusted friends and the occasional sympathetic stranger. They feel shame, that they did not fight back, or that they did something to deserve this; they feel guilt, at being victims when their feminist principles tell them they should be strong; they feel fear, of the people that do this, that may do this again, but maybe more they feel fear that they may have to re-live and repeat the event in their minds again and again if they do not struggle to suppress the memory.
Imagine we were talking about burglary. Imagine that 95% of burglary victims felt too dirty, scared and ashamed to report the crime. Imagine if victims of burglary were told that if they were going to flash their new car around they deserved to have it stolen. Imagine..................... stinks, doesn't it?

Feminism is Dead. Long Live Feminism!

It's been a long time with much better things to do than writing here now I no longer have to off-load the traumatic experience of the Pub, but the world at large continues to provide examples of irritating stupidity and damaging and deranged thought processes.
I have had conversations with a couple of female friends recently who declared that there was no need for feminism any more; after all, women are now completely equal to men, aren't they?
I answered with as much evidence as I could muster from the top of my head on pay differentials, domestic violence, lack of female government representation, and disproportionate childcare and housework labour divisions, but as I was putting these otherwise intelligent Birds straight, I found myself realising that it had been some time since I had actively flown the feminist flag outside conversation, so I decided to do a little sat-on-my-arse internet research in place of getting out there and actually doing something.
I typed feminist into Google, and got a shock. After the worthy but now several years out of date 'F-Word' site, and the Guardian, the next entries were all for blogs. Digging into the blog world I found lots of blogs using the word feminist. Blogs that contained the most vitriolic, misinformed bollocks I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on. This Bird was truly terrified. Take a look for yourselves ...........................
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Feminism/feminism_is_evil.htm
http://theantifeminist.com/
http://forevermale.blogspot.com/
Women, though I claim you all as sisters, wise or naive, please do not be so ridiculously complacent. The fight is still on. Challenge these sickening falsehoods wherever you find them.... comment on the blogs, argue back on the street, and fight in the bars with wisdom and wit as the weapons of choice.